Borrowed Dreams ??? !!!!!!

this has been on my mind for a while now..so here goes..

my life seems so similar to all my peers almost all of the times that i cant help but wonder if i have an individual and independent brain. my life- at both macro and micro level is so so so typically that of a B-school student and my aspirations are an exact match to everyone's around me.

it makes me question if i really want what i am trying so hard to get?? infact how many of us in this herd really know what our dreams really are- are we really getting to what we are destined for?? or are we blinded by the obviousness, the correctness of our present choices to look beyond and make OUR choices??

maybe its not me- maybe its human psychology. we just dont question. whether its the evaluation procedure at the college or its our dreams, its only a matter of precedence and the number of hits and misses of my worthy predecessors- the only hope is that the first ones to tread this path, who had no precedence to fall back on..made the right decisions and choices..

but hell! isnt life supposed to be dynamic? dont things change with time and as the people change??? maybe i will fail in achieving even this borrowed dream- and blame it on my inability! but its more likely that my failure is due to a lack of passion--maybe its because inherently its not my calling!

you know, sometimes this 'bare all' honest talk scares me- i mean, its like- maybe the veil of pretense is easier to handle than the nudity of truth.. yes , i think its easier.

but what when the illusion will lift? what if its too late to restart? yes i know how its never too late, but my wisdom and experience at 21 tells me that thats a white lie .. maybe im too conservative and traditionalist in thought and action or if you wanna put it plainly- im possibly a coward, an escapist but yes i already regret some decisions its too late to change now- like engineering, like stopping basketball practice for that silly little swelling in my palm, like reading too little, like spending less time with my grandmum....

many of these are trivial and some of them have fundamentally shaped my present ( which is a fairly okayish state ), but nevertheless i regret them and i think i always will.

so what now? do i suddenly rethink my life and kinda revamp it? take a few path breaking decisions which make wonderful anecdotes once im famous?

nah!! i wont..i wont do any of that. the sad fact of my life is- i will proceed just as everyone around me does. and thats because life's complex and we, atleast i , dont get to always make my own choices without approval from the most important people in my life. plus there are other constraints.. like where do you start, how do you compete, how do you leave the safe haven and tread into spaces unknown when you only got limited time at hand- and then you gotto be settled and all..

i know, you possibly hate me by now- either for the first faffy thought or for this sudden downturn to mother earth and silly reality..

now if you belong to the former group- im sorry, but you can stop reading, really! i am a fantasizer and i got every right to be one :)

but just in case you belong to the latter group, just one piece of sincere advice for you dear friend..

the past may have been perfect or maybe it was a mistake, but its past now..and now the future beckons you -- reach out and make it your own wonderland..


LIFE DOESNT GIVE YOU A SECOND CHANCE ! IT JUST NEVER DOES!!
SO THINK HARD AND ATLEAST NOW ON-- PLEASE LIVE YOUR OWN DREAMS..

God bless..

DREAM ON........

ashes to roses...

things can get extremely funny around here.life's ridiculism personified.

in my 20 years of life, i dont think i ever got a chance to look so closely at the complexity in relationships as i have seen in the last one year.it makes me feel older suddenly, more mature and definitely a lot more understanding of other's miseries. but the feeling that it has most strongly developed in me is revulsion.an extreme dislike for everything that could mean a human bonding, because inevitably it breaks- sooner or if you are even more unlucky-later.

i am reading thornbirds by colleen mccullough and it invariably reminds me of the color she uses as a metaphor-ashes to roses. thats the perfect description may be-subtle and yet cruelly vivid, symbolisisng the inevitiabilty of the end- that always will be!

god! please help-i think i am turning into a sadist slowly..not because thats how i have ever been, but because hurt looks like the only sustainable state..everything else will eventually melt into it..ashes to roses.

MBA-Masters in Barely Anything!!!

hello
so i am in my third trimester of MBA now..for your reference and to highlight the contrast, the previous entry is one i made a few months ago- though it feels like another age now! because i haven't experience half of that enthusiasm for a long time now..
okay, its not like dis course is boring or that i am not busy- as a matter of fact i do stay preoccupied and all and there is studying to do PLUS we have a fun time here as icing on the cake. But when you really dwell on the taste, there is just one thing missing- and thats learning, the subtle but nevertheless most important bit :)
6 months into the course, and i have learnt some much valued jargon and little bits of concepts and all, but barring that i stand where i did before this rigorous process of doing nothing started.
so its funny what education really seeks to achieve- i love the idea of being a student vis-a-vis working, but sometimes the sheer nothingness of it depresses me, saps me of all enthusiasm..
its just gotto get better hereon- coz i think iv hit the bottommost point now:)
all d best to all those lookin 4 any learning in education- my advice is just get the grades, so tha atleast ul be happy with your jobs hopefully..
GOD BLESS

life is skewed really- its a blend of rationale and emotion thats impossible to decipher and at the same time inseparable. when one takes a practical decision, the ghosts of emotional wrongdoings haunt. and the few times we do dare to stick to our emotional choices, life beats us up. there is no respite and the ruthlessness ensures that the tradeoffs made in achieving a success undermine the joy of accomplishment.
so do i sound aggressively pessimistic here?
if your answer is yes,hold on, you are most likely someone who's over read fairy tales while those around you slogged and washed all the dirty linen.
its like while you are standing at the top of mount everest, your mind is on the floods in the ganges planes-not affecting you directly, but killing you for the worry of your people there..
now i donno if that got the point across, but i think you will know what i mean from personal experience...
its like life is neva perfect-deres always some front ur fighting
but cheers to the human spirit 4 bearin it all so graciously and happily
:)