Write I must

a need to write is perhaps one of my strongest addictions, yet a non frequent one.i can go without writing for months sometimes. and then there are times when I must write..pages and pages of anything. Its the closest i feel to being an artist, perhaps a non-practicing one!

when I see the movie amadeus and how mozart must compose or read about any artist, it reminds me of how strongly i feel about writing. like right now- i have no agenda for this piece and perhaps no stress on the writing style. i have never even been a serious writer- yet there is that ray of hope, the passion for words!

the smallest of my writings make me happy- even when the flaws are apparent and the content boring!

i wanna get better at it, and now i am really going to work on it. enough of just moving on in life!

i wanna do things i love now- be with people i sharea mutually positive relationship with and live a happier life.. anyways i am getting older too- life is finite and even that realisation is scary..of non-existence, unperubed silence!

i wanna read and write lots before i cant do it! i wanna write my biography..maybe get it published! if there's no readership..il just get a few copies printed that r distributed when i am gone..but opnly for the people who truly care, who would like to know me more than they have , & after they have. the few people i love.. I hope there r some people like that after me actually ! In God I trust. i am gonna live like i want to...on my own terms..He will take care of the rest!

whatever..i felt like writing :D

what do you do with people who are like these constant irritants in your life!
like those loud humming bees, one moment de come and destroy your peace of mind, then disappear into nothingness..only to reappear at freewill!!!

and then there are the types who you have never known well, yet due to some distant fuzzy incident in your mind- you kind of understand their basic psyche, that one crux of their motivation! and out of the corner of your eye, you cant help notice them - they are out there, shamelessly doing the things that appear good- but you can so see through, that its godamm weird why no one else sees it!

but you know who are the cruelest types- the ones who you are fond of! they know it fully well and they also know that they can have their way, and you will choose to forgive or forget it!
these are the people who are most detestable, yet ironically they are the most loved!!we love them, even when we are fully aware of the power they exude!! and how, in singularity we hate being overpowered..
so unfair, how positive emotions allow us to be swayed, to giveup our egos AND be good humans actually :D


that sounds like a good thing, and it must be- because we choose to love a lot of people in our lives- unconditionally and with the baggage. Because it doesnt hold us down- it helps us fly..