ashes to roses...

things can get extremely funny around here.life's ridiculism personified.

in my 20 years of life, i dont think i ever got a chance to look so closely at the complexity in relationships as i have seen in the last one year.it makes me feel older suddenly, more mature and definitely a lot more understanding of other's miseries. but the feeling that it has most strongly developed in me is revulsion.an extreme dislike for everything that could mean a human bonding, because inevitably it breaks- sooner or if you are even more unlucky-later.

i am reading thornbirds by colleen mccullough and it invariably reminds me of the color she uses as a metaphor-ashes to roses. thats the perfect description may be-subtle and yet cruelly vivid, symbolisisng the inevitiabilty of the end- that always will be!

god! please help-i think i am turning into a sadist slowly..not because thats how i have ever been, but because hurt looks like the only sustainable state..everything else will eventually melt into it..ashes to roses.